Masturbation or Blogturbation: your choice

My friends probably think I’m flogging a dead horse (I am not the horse in this cliche, thank you very much), because I do tend to think about sex a lot, and where my mind travels my lips are sure to follow. Wait, that came out wrong. I mean I’m not afraid to talk about sex (I could have been a Kinsey researcher; I would have loved interning with Masters & Johnson). The problem is finding people who are equally enthusiastic about the topic.

Which is why blogging is so wonderful, because you don’t need to have another person there to share your thoughts. Like masturbation, it’s another form of self-stimulation. It’s blogturbation.

Still with me? Then let us agree that masturbation is a good thing. Too much of a leap? Then substitute the word blogturbation. Same thing.

Masturbation is all about self-reliance, and who can argue with that? Ditto, self-love, which means you're taking yourself seriously and thereby improving your self-esteem (expressing yourself, for you blogturbation enthusiasts).

From there, it's an easy springboard into self-knowledge, the mind-body connection, and how many times you can orgasm within a pre-determined span of time --- yes, masturbation teaches one to set goals (how often you post). With it, you learn to recognize your limits. You can identify a sexual impulse --- not misread it as romance or something more than exactly what it is --- your body is speaking to you, and you learn how to answer it (is the subject noteworthy, or is it just a blogfart?). Furthermore, through masturbation you know where that impulse is centered and how to relieve it, take the edge off so you can think clearly.

In my last blog, I responded to an essay on Pornography and (male) Masturbation, only I didn’t get into the masturbation question because (1) people don’t like to admit they do it, (2) people think it’s potty talk, (3) they get too stimulated thinking about it, or (4) they don’t know how to do it (mainly women).

In a recent discussion with several women of varying ages (35-80), and ethnic backgrounds (American, Asian, and Middle-eastern), both married, single, and widowed, it became clear to me that many women are (still) abysmally ignorant of their own bodies. The one thing we all had in common, other than being women, was that we have or have had teenaged children.

The conversation started with the subject of premarital sex, and segued into a discussion of women being in control (or not) when sexually propositioned, and the liberal nature of western society.

“Masturbation,” I said, and the room became silent, “will solve societies’ ills.” Okay, I didn’t say that, but I did put forth the crazy notion of female masturbation being a good thing. And the room did fall silent.

Females need more encouragement on the masturbatory front. We need to know more about what works for us, and not expect the guys to have all the answers. Premarital sex would take a dive, or the nature of it would radically change if more women engaged with themselves on a sexual basis.

Women don't need to take the risks associated with premarital sex to learn what works for them. They don't need experimental penetration and serial lovers to judge a possible marriage partner (one of the standard arguments for living together, or at least doing the sex part).

I’m horrified by stories of teenaged girls performing gratuitous blow jobs, and not understanding the power of “NO.” This is not a call for chastity. It’s a hallelujah for more knowledge.

To understand the pleasure our bodies give to men, rather than just being a tool for that pleasure, a woman needs to experience the sublime herself, with herself. We were born with the capacity for it. Whereas blogging is an acquired tendency. For you slackers out there, I say if one can blog, one can masturbate.

Masturbation is the skill of a lifetime. It's nature's blessing. Go now, my brethren, and spread the word.