Sunday, April 07, 2013

My Ideal Female Superhero



I get tired of the same hyper-voluptuous body types depicted in comic books. I'd like a superhero who is wholesome, but husky, maybe played LaCrosse in college. She works hard as an executive assistant for some big Hollywood studio, has good ideas but no one pays attention to her, except for 8 days out of the month when she's all PMS'ey.

During this time, she states her ideas fiercely and people are afraid not to listen. She becomes ultra aware of bad vibes and evildoers galore.  My superhero wants to ignore them and get her work done, but they always end up getting in her face by abusing the defenseless when she's having a hormonal surge.

Bad timing for them because her anger and fearlessness increase beyond imagination.  Her superpower is her perception of the evildoer's most vulnerable psychological weaknesses.  She's a hormonal Hannibal Lechter when it comes to using words, articulate and razor sharp.  She has an uncanny ability to hone in on the secrets hidden in the dark hearts of her opponents, and often goads them to tears or to some act which is their undoing.

When she gets her period she dyes her hair and wears tailored clothes. She sleeps with her competitors and drops them right after. The week after this she returns to her mousey self as if nothing happened. The men and women she's tossed aside either become her staunch supporters hoping for more, or her bitter enemies. No one can figure out her variable schedule. She barely understands it herself.