Sunday, December 08, 2013
Monday, December 02, 2013
Sunday, November 24, 2013
She was also the one who sent out announcements for our marriage and told me to go register. My parents were absentee with advice, admonitions and good ideas. We laughed a lot together, with g&t’s tinkling during the cocktail hour and I am so grateful for that. The geography and privilege of Marcia’s life dictated that she would always be sheltered and spoiled (her word and one spoken with pride). She was forced into independence in her later years. Traveling alone to come out and see us was a big deal. She taught me to stay involved with my children’s lives and what it means to have family. She taught me that whenever you love, you risk loss.
Marcia’s 2013 Engagement Planner is more than the usual dentist and Drs’ appts, birthdays, brunches and bridge games. It’s a diary where she noted her fears and prayers for her sons, her joy when the news was good and her abiding sorrow when it was not. In it is a story of hope layered with loss. It doesn’t reveal the totality of Marcia–all her transitions in life–but it is a gift to those she left behind.
Dec 23, 2012: Miss Kitty* party
Dec. 2012: Notations on Johnny’s* surgery, “Good news!” Each subsequent day of his pain noted.
January 1, 2013: Lost Winter (she contracted pneumonia)
March 27: G3* coming
April 2: My first day to drive since Jan.
April 4: lunch
April 5: Bridge
May: Dr. Pop, Ricky’s* doctor
May 8: Eb* & Sandra coming.
May 11: G3 coming.
May 15: George* coming
May 16: Stint in Rick’s chest for chemo.
May 19: Rick had oatmeal for dinner, ate about half all the time chocking and said he liked it but couldn’t get it down. John is doing well and I thank God.
May 20: Rick has tests. Ate 2 eggs and kept them down.
May 21: More tests. Banana pudding–good! Stuffed potatoes. Kept them down.
May 23: John birthday
May 29: Kitty moving. George? 1st chemo Ricky.
May 30: Rick did well for his first chemo.
June 6: Rick is eating a little bit better, his heartburn is better. No meds yet. Blood work ok.
June 16: Rich* is here; Rick is weak.
June-July: Rich is here, been a big help. Ricky not eating well. In hospital now. Thank God Ricky is in the hospital to get help. Lung? I think Ricky is relieved to be in hospital once he got there. We are going to take turns feeding Ricky. It has to work. I want him home for as long as I can have him. I pray that will happen. Rick not eating. Eb coming. Ricky on too many meds. Rich is here doing a great job.
July 10: Sallie’s* birthday.
July 13: Ricky is coming home. Hospice.
July 14: Eb left. It was hard.
July 15-24: I pray that Rick will feel better at home and be more aware. Ricky not eating. Not eating or drinking
July 25: We lost Ricky at 12:45 a.m. (no more pain). Rick is now with Jesus and his dad. He is no longer in pain. He died at home where he wanted to be. I wish I could have gone with Ricky, but I have to be strong. I still have three wonderful children left. I have to be there for them as long as I can for Eb, John and Sal.
July 29: Ricky’s service. It was beautiful. The pain I feel is unbelievable. No one should ever lose a child. If I could have one sign from Ricky-that he is happy where he is-in my heart I know he’s okay. I still want a sign.
July 31: Birthday card for Eric.*
August 3: The American vets came and took away Ricky’s clothes. That was hard.
August 13: Picked up acknowledgements. The pain is almost not bearable.
August 16: I slept all day. Didn’t feel well.
August 18: Cindy is coming to bring pictures of everyone at the house (wake) after Ricky’s service. Will I ever get out of this pain? I miss Ricky so much and still can’t believe he is gone.
August 19: Eb sent me a book on grief, a good book.
August 23: Eb birthday.
August 25: Gone a month. Unbelievable.
Sept 1: Brunch with a lot of family. I wish I could have Ricky back. It’s so hard.
Sept 2-8: I need to write my notes. I have to do this but it makes it so final. And I know in my heart that it is. Ricky-I will never get over that he’s gone. I need to get out of this house. I don’t want to live here anymore.
Sept 9-15: I never realized how many friends Ricky had. He touched so many lives-also realize how many friends I have. Worked on Notes. Worked on Notes. Hair cut and lunch. The mail for Rick keeps coming in. Memorial cards, etc. I hope to answer all of them, going to take a lot of time.
Sept 16: I miss my Ricky. Why doesn’t it get better?
Sept 18: Cat Scan Kitty
Oct 2: George
Oct 6: George
Oct 11: Janet* came by. She came in crying. I don’t think she ever stopped loving Rick. I think he felt the same way about her. I will never get over this pain.
Marcia went into the hospital on Nov. 8 complaining of shortness of breath. She walked in unaided but was diagnosed with lung cancer. She asked her family to let her go.
*Miss Kitty, a longstanding friend. Listen to the recording below.
*John, her third oldest child.
*G3, my youngest son, named for his father and grandfather.
*Ricky, her second oldest child.
*Eb, nickname for her oldest child (my husband)
*George, Miss Kitty’s dog who Marcia babysat.
*Rich, Ricky’s son.
*Sallie, her youngest.
*Eric, my oldest son.
*Janet, Ricky’s ex-wife.
With permission from Miss Kitty (Katherine Lammons). Two minutes on her friend, Marcia.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Jose B. Gonzalez, Ph.D.
Founder and Editor of LatinoStories.com
". . . a page-turning work of historical fiction with drama that multiplies . . . [written] in a style that will make it difficult to put this novel down."
Thursday, November 07, 2013
The best part of the evening was dinner and drinks afterward where we each weighed in on sexual orientation and the differences in such between gay men and lesbians.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Unkempt cemeteries are a favorite field trip of mine. They were practically in my backyard in Santa Fe and my cousin and I often played in them. One of them is featured in my story, Halloween Blooms.
Evergreen Cemetery in Boyle Heights was founded in Los Angeles in 1877. It's maintained. . . somewhat. It has personality and a certain L.A. charm, derived primarily from the diversity of its occupants.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
The deciduous trees in my neighborhood flare weakly with autumn color this time of year. They give up the ghost of their comely birthright and drop like the dead almost overnight. That other hint of fall, a breeze with a clean, brisk scent is overwhelmed by its studly cousins, the demon-ridden Santa Ana's. They burn and churn through our canyons, trample our dreams and herald our version of winter in Socal. Instead of rain, we get ash fall. My nose tickles, and a sulphuric odor permeates the city, or am I just getting ready for Halloween?
Demons and fairies are often malcontents which are at the heart of much storytelling throughout history. Sultry temptresses and mischievous sprites make cameos not only in mythology, but also in Milton and Shakespeare. Demons and fairies and other supernatural entities are the essence of human storytelling. It's a way to transmit values. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that "Demonology is the shadow of Theology . . . "
Much of the information posted here is taken from The Field Guide to Demons, Fairies, and Fallen Subversive Sprits by Carol Mack. Here are a few of my favorites:
Changelings are a type of fairy who steals human babies. They are also the “thing” left behind to fool the human parents. If your baby breaks stuff, or has teeth or speaks while still an infant, chances are you have a changeling.
One woman suspected she had a changeling. She was advised to boil eggshells, discarding the eggs. The Changeling, a newborn, asked, “What are you brewing?” This terrified the mother, of course, but she replied, “I’m brewing eggshells.” The Changeling became agitated, “Oh! In the fifteen hundred years that I have been alive, I have never seen anyone brew eggshells.” (From Carol Mack, A Field Guide to Demons, p 204-05).
The changeling knew it had blown his cover and disappeared, leaving behind the human infant in its place.
In Scotland, mothers were advised to feed their infants whiskey mixed with earth, apply hen excrement or salt or both, or stick pins and scissors or knives around the crib.
Shaitan (also Satan) is a kind of djinni created by the fire of Allah. Their modus is to lead humans into sin by temptation. They also have a muse aspect, and can inspire artists and poets. I want that job!
They also eat dirt and excrement. Never mind on the job.
According to Carl Jung the Shadow is a person's inner demon. It includes all that we hide.
Many people control the shadow with sheer will, but it will spring forth in projections and dreams. Archetypal images of the shadow are vampires, devils and hybrid beasts.
Disarm the shadow by listening for it. ". . . when the Shadow is recognized and respected as a natural part of each psyche and no longer repressed" spiritual growth can begin (Jung).
Like all demons, the Shadow is always changing its guise, so recognizing it is a lifelong process.